Is it normal to dislike your spouse

Old habits die hard, but Kelley Kitley, LCSW, says that there are a few things that couples can do to help mellow the hateful feelings when they arise. One way is to restructure your thoughts. Kitley also says to plan something to look forward to, like a couples getaway or a night out doing something you both enjoy, like listening to live music or going to a comedy club.

Spending uninterrupted time together outside of your routine will give you the opportunity to reconnect. Erica MacGregor. For more stories like this, sign up for our newsletter. They may not be able to resolve your symptoms, but they can still support you with compassion and understanding.

Regularly feeling like you hate your partner can suggest the relationship may not be working out. As distressing as it can feel to consider this possibility, it does happen. You may simply not be an ideal match for each other. If you feel unsupported or unheard, consider the possibility your partner may not know exactly how to support you. Convinced the relationship has run its course? Did they do or say something cruel, harmful, or otherwise problematic?

Are you really experiencing hatred and disgust, or can you put a more specific name to that emotion? Or your immediate loathing might stem from a habit you hate. Your feelings could also relate to something more general, like them falling short of your expectations. Once you have more awareness of what triggers hatred for your partner, you can talk to them about concerning behaviors that keep happening. If you have certain expectations of how you want them to act, it can also help to consider whether those expectations are, in fact, realistic.

Every story has two sides, right? In other words, ask yourself what you might have contributed to the conflict or situation — and give yourself an honest answer. For example, if you feel like they never listen to you, ask yourself if your communication style might leave room for misunderstandings.

Frequent miscommunications can create problems in relationships, but finding new ways to talk about your feelings and needs can help you avoid future communication mismatches. Say your partner clears their throat a lot. If it bothers you, you could try talking to them about it, but there may come a point when you have to figure out a way to get used to it if you want to maintain the relationship.

Bringing up any significant issues with your partner respectfully and working together to find a solution is often the key to resolving recurring feelings of hatred. Sometimes, sharing dark thoughts with those you love and trust can help you feel better and get some perspective.

Discussing your feelings can help normalize them. Most people experience some negative thoughts in their relationships. Talking about them can help them seem less alarming and unusual. Maybe you were absolutely furious yesterday and never wanted to see your partner again. But once you start telling your best friend what happened, the situation almost seems comical and you still feel absolutely in love with your partner. In fact, understanding may be most important when you face issues that cannot be easily resolved, such as different religious or political views.

What is it about feeling understood that helps alleviate those negative feelings that typically arise after conflict? We found that when you feel understood, it signals to you that your partner cares about you and is invested in the relationship. It also makes you feel like your relationship is strong and worth fighting for. And in the end, feeling understood, especially when your partner has a different opinion than you, just feels good, plain and simple.

So how do you increase understanding during conflict? Here are seven suggestions for how to think and act to do so. Amie M. Gordon, Ph.

Become a subscribing member today. Scroll To Top Have you ever hated your partner? Letting Go of Anger through Compassion To foster resilience, think about a hurtful event in a different way. Try It Now. Get the science of a meaningful life delivered to your inbox. About the Author. By Amie M. This article — and everything on this site — is funded by readers like you.

Once you've initiated the "here's what's up" convo and your spouse has had a chance to voice their part, it's time to move on to the resolution bit.

How do we avoid this going forward? Oftentimes, hating your partner is really just about feeling like whatever they're doing or not doing is never going to change. But there can't be change if you don't communicate. If things still don't change for the better after you've talked out your grievances, you might want to seek out professional guidance. A couples therapist can help you both voice concerns that might be making each of you less motivated to do your part, plus give you tools for improved communication and understanding, as well as managing expectations.

I think it would really help us a lot if we could get some objective support, with a counselor who is skilled in helping couples make their relationship stronger," Greer suggests. Now, if your partner shuts down the idea some men, and women, too, don't "believe" in therapy , try this approach, from Greer.

Couples counseling, which is on the rise, btw, doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage is failing or you should get a divorce.

For a lot of people, it's just a proactive way to ensure that you're both giving your bond your all. Marriage and relationships in general take work. But when things become all work and no play, of course you're going to start to hate on the person who's making you put in all that effort.